I think I am beginning to doubt myself, which is bad, because I am only recently beginning to trust myself and don't wish to lose this new-found confidence and self-love so quickly. I must keep it. It's a lot like gardening. Gardening has always been difficult for me, because I often decide that the plants are inevitably going to die because I am a bad gardener, and so I neglect them all together. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy for sure, because they do die.
I realize that at some point things are going to come together for me. At least, I hope so. I mean, it isn't fair that Karma would make my life miserable when there are so many people out in the world. Rather than singling me out, she ought to pick on them for a while. Let me grow. Quit pruning me or I shall die.
Today I wish I knew more people. I know why I don't know more people. It's because I burned the bridges between our islands, and now both of us are stranded on different islands. I'm trying to build new bridges. Definitely the more difficult way of going about it. Especially as I'm not quite sure everyone living on all the uncharted islands are friendly--they could be savages! (Is the term 'Savage' racist?)
I remember feeling like I needed to get out of this house when I was younger and living here. Living here again, I feel the same way again. It's because Hillsboro is so far away from Portland. I'm too weary to drive all the way there. If I lived in the city, I wonder if I would feel less fettered and be more apt to go walk-a-bout through city streets.