Saturday, March 28, 2009

Taste for the Macabre

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Wednesday: May I have the salt.
Morticia: What do we say?
Wednesday: [sternly] Now.

[to Pugsley, who is tied up, mumbling urgently around an apple in his mouth]
Wednesday: Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing.
[she levels a crossbow]

Wednesday: I don't want to be in the pageant.
Gary: Don't you want to help me realize my vision?
Wednesday: Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.
Gary: Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.

Amanda: Hi, I'm Amanda Buckman. Why are you dressed like that?
Wednesday: Like what?
Amanda: Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.

Heather: [first nanny] Children, as your new nanny, I know we're all concerned about the environment. So, this morning, let's discuss how to prevent forest fires.
Wednesday: Prevent them? [lights a match]

Morticia: Gomez.
Gomez: Cara mia?
Morticia: Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby. Right now.

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M is for Margaret, who was swept out to sea...